Forty, Fierce, and Finally Free: 3 Leadership Lessons That Made Life Make Sense

I just turned 40 in July. And honestly? I didn’t expect to feel this way about it.

I spent most of my 30s running (actually sprinting like a madwoman) toward goals, toward manufactured timelines, and toward a version of “success” that looked more like perfectly curated life with no bumps in it. I prayed hard, worked harder, and white-knuckled my way through seasons that were trying to teach me something I kept refusing to learn.

But 40? Awwww BABY 40 hits different! It feels like exhaling for the first time since the 90s (Yup, I’ve got 90s nostalgia pretty bad, 😭). It feels like finally being introduced to yourself at a party you’ve been attending for years.

It feels like freedom.

I didn’t arrive at 40 with everything figured out. I arrived with something better.  Radical acceptance! This includes clarity about who I am, appreciation for how I’m wired, vigor in what I’m called to, and standing 10 toes deep on what I absolutely REFUSE to carry anymore. Every month leading up to my birthday, I started shedding things that felt like layers of heavy coats being worn in the summer. It’s interesting to experience true lightness while also realizing how long you’ve been weighed down – especially carrying other people’s stuff. It makes me want to hug 30-year-old Davina and tell her that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

So, in honor of this milestone and the beginning of leveling up, I want to share the 3 leadership lessons that didn’t just change how I lead others - they changed how I lead myself. And if you’re anywhere on the journey between where you started and where you want to be, I believe you can relate to at least one of these.

Lesson 1: Knowing When to Let Go Brings Momentous Impact

Nobody tells you this when you’re younger: holding on too long is probably more damaging than giving up too early.

I’m a person who values loyalty. But up until recently, that was to a fault…

I used to believe that loyalty meant staying connected to people was more important than protecting my boundaries and those same values I, myself was violating 🤦🏽‍♀️. I was clutching connections that were clearly closed – basically keeping a self-inflicted thorn in my side. I truly thought that losing relationships; professional, friendships, and romantic, was a failure. I remember someone telling me back in the day, “Never burn bridges. You never know when you may need that person.” This stuck to me in a way that didn’t consider that what if that person set the fire?

But somewhere in my late 30s, I realized something enlightening: discernment is not disloyalty. Knowing when something, or someone, has served its season and releasing it with grace is one of the highest forms of self-leadership there is.

So, in 2025 I threw my arms open and started letting go. I let go of several relationships that I thought were permanent fixtures in my life. I let go of superficial timelines. I let go of opportunities that looked good on paper but didn’t align with what I’ve been purposed to do.

Every single time I released something, space opened up!  Not immediately. Not painlessly. But eventually and powerfully! Boom.

Here’s what I want you to hear: the thing you’re white-knuckling right now might be the very thing standing between you and your next level. Letting go isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

What do you need to release before your next chapter can begin?

Lesson 2: Comparison is Just Dumb

I said what I said. 😄

For years I watched other women hit milestones: launches, promotions, relationships, platforms and felt the sting of why not me? At times, I tried to use this as inspiration to keep me motivated. But underneath it was a quiet, corrosive belief that their progress was somehow evidence of my lack.

It was one of the biggest lies I ever believed.

The truth is that comparison doesn’t just steal your joy, it hijacks your direction. When you’re constantly measuring your journey against someone else’s highlight reel, you stop moving toward your purpose and start chasing theirs. You make decisions based on what looks good instead of what IS good for YOU.

At 40, I am completely and unapologetically done with it.

My path has had detours that have thrown off my plans for years. Between doors that didn’t open when I knocked and seasons of hiddenness that felt like punishment, it was easy to become cynical and hopeless. However, because I went with the flow of uncertainty, I became aware and appreciative of my beautifully authentic and often messy journey. None of that looks like the linear success stories I was comparing myself to. Then the scales fell off my eyes, and I no longer needed comparison as a crutch for perfectionism. Plus, there's room for EVERYONE in their lane of genius.

Your path is not designed to look like anyone else’s. Celebrate that! Because that also means you don’t have to carry the challenges that other people have to get to where they are. You have a unique purpose set for unique impact. If no two trees grow with the same bark patterns, then why would you think you can apply someone else’s journey to your own and get the same results? Not only is this thinking unproductive, it’s an insult to your own story.

Your only competition is the version of you that fear wants to keep small.

What would change if you stopped watching their lane and committed fully to your own?

Lesson 3: Resilience is Built, Not Born, and Truly Necessary

I used to think resilient people were just wired differently. Like they came out of the womb with an extra layer of emotional armor that the rest of us were somehow skipped in the distribution line.

Yeah, I was wrong.

Resilience isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. It’s built in the moments you wanted to quit and didn’t, like in the seasons where hope felt completely out of reach and you chose to believe anyway, or in the relationships that broke you open and the setbacks that forced you to pull from a higher strength other than your own.

Every hard thing I’ve walked through up until this point, and there were many, was building something in me that comfort never could have produced. All of it was necessary to build the capacity I needed to be an influence, break ceilings for myself, and build pathways of bliss for others.

Think about it like this, you cannot carry the weight of your next level with the muscles you have right now. Resistance is the way through to your breakthrough. So pick up that 2 lb. weight and get to work!

Where in your life is resilience being built right now but you’re resisting it?

And I’d be remiss not to mention the unsung hero behind all three of these lessons: boundaries. Learning to protect my time, my energy, my values, and my peace finally gave my nervous system a break! Add in some Emotional Intelligence and you have a 40-year-old with the inner strength that can no longer be shaken by external circumstances. But that conversation deserves its own post entirely. Stay tuned!

So Here I Am. Forty, Fierce, and Finally Free!

Not because everything worked out the way I planned, but because I finally stopped fighting the way it was actually working. I am really grateful for this path. Can you imagine if we got everything we thought we wanted in our 20s? I shudder at the thought, lol.

I released what wasn’t mine to carry. I stopped running someone else’s race. And I let every hard season do its refining work without running from it.

That’s the gift of 40 that nobody puts in a birthday card - the freedom that comes when you finally stop performing your life and start living it!

If you’re in a season where things feel unclear, delayed, or just plain hard, HEAR ME when I say that you are not behind. You are being built. And sometimes, things need to break in order to be put back together even more beautifully. Don’t believe me? Check out the beautiful process of Kintsugi.

Will you cheers with me to 40? Here’s to being finally free. And I will cheers to you, Bliss Builder, wherever you are on this journey, to walking towards freedom too.

Which of these three lessons hit closest to home for you? Tell me in the comments.

Ready to Stop Waiting for Life to Randomly Get Better?

If this post stirred something in you and you’re ready to stop circling and start moving, I’d love to be in your corner. Let’s talk about what your upcoming breakthrough looks like.

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